MY SILENT THOUGHTS...

Used to know a girl whom after sleeping with a guy once, decides the guy is her boyfriend and would go to any lenght to make sure the guy knows it. Calling him at all hours, going to his house at 7am to catch him before he goes to work especially if he hadn't been taking her calls. She would even keep people on his watch to let her know his location at everytime so she can go place herself right in front of him. The funny thing is that she gives the guy only 2wks of disturbance and if he still doesn't come to his senses and accept her as his girlfriend, she lets him go... Completely. I'm sure the guys she's done this to begin to wonder how weird it is for someone to be that way. Crazy thing is, she's one of the most intelligent people i know... Guys and girls alike... I used to wonder why she does that but i could never really understand... I cannot say that i've started to understand but i do know now that everyone had his/her own brand of crazy and i also believe that for one crazy, there's another kind of crazy that is crazy about that crazy... This sounds like something written by a loon but i won't delete it. Thing is, said girl is now engaged to someone who is head over heels in love with her kind of crazy... Weird, isn't it???
Then, there was the girl who was dating an asshole... Asshole she was totally in love with. He didn't feel the same way about her and she started looking for ways to get his attention... Apparently, she was a sex machine and he kept going to her for sex. Other than the sex, he wasn't interested in making it official. There were no dates, just wild crazy sex in his office, a hotel, his car or wherever. Everywhere except in his house. Because i'm a smart girl, i kept my mouth shut about the relationship (By smart i mean i avoided getting kicked or worse) and waited for it to run it's natural course... She told me she knew what she was doing (i doubted it though) and i pretended to understand even though i had no idea what the fuck she was doing... Next thing i knew, my girl was 4months pregnant for the asshole... He told her he didn't want to have a baby wit her and that was when she went balistic... Stalking was an understatement compared to what she did to him. It got so bad that i started feeling sorry for the guy after a while... I'm sure the guy would kiss my feet if he knew i was the one who convinced her to have the pregnancy removed... After she did, she didn't want to even hear his name mentioned again and that was that... 8years on, she's married to a beautiful man and they have a beautiful son. Like Mr Man would say, to each, her own... How mad girls like this could find men who would ignore the crazy and tie themselves to these girls beats me but who can say what anyone likes?
As for me, i've been different kinds of crazy. Worse being after The Brit called to tell me he didn't want to be with me anymore. I kept my cool when he was telling me on the phone and i'm sure the only reason i did that was because i was having dinner with some people at Eko hotel at the time. Next day, i went totally crazy... Believe me i did and said stuff to him that i shouldn't. I should have handled it like a lady but did i? Hell no... I called and called and called and called but when he didn't answer my calls, i started texting... For someone who's forever writing, i'm sure anyone can guess the sort of things i sent to him. Veiled insults, direct hits, tear-filled notes, everything that i should never have sent. I would ignore him for a while and date someone but whenever something went wrong in my relationship, i would text to blame him. Why he still talks to me beats me because i would never speak to me again if i were him but i realised something not so long ago. I think he ignored all i did because he loved me and also because he felt guilty... However it went, it's a good thing that i became that way because now, he knows me more than anyone in this whole world and i know he can understand anything i say to him now.
The search for that crazy person who would accept my kind of crazy is still on... I may be nice and all but truth is, i'm one the most difficult persons to date or be friends with. I have all this private thoughts in my head that are my best friends and whom i just refuse to let go of. Unfortunately, it gets me labelled a ''wierdo'' but what can i say? I am me and you are you and maybe we can find a way to live together and be happy...
I have been with both crazy, sexy and cool people but for some reason i drift more to crazy because i have this thought in my head that the crazy would understand a wierdo. Unfortunately that hasn't been the case. Instead, the reverse has been more like it. They expect me to accept their crzy but my weirdness is un-acceptable otherwise, how do you explain Kunle who had a crazy afro, smoked every cigarette like it would be his last, never says ''thank you'' whenever i cook him breakfast, ignores me when i walk into his house and would only have sex his way? And that is just the tip of the iceberg... He expected me to live with his shortcomings but he couldn't live with mine and i knew i had to end it 4months before i did... I know, i never talk about that relationship because it was a complete waste of time but fact remains that i've had trouble getting acceptance from friends or dates alike... Even family are a bit wary of me because they can never know what i'll pull next. A friend once told me i was the most complicated person she knew but how can i help it? I am who i am and if i haven't changed now, i don't know that i can or even if i want to... I believe that the i'm one of those people you can never be bored with. Besides, crazy keeps things interesting, doesn't it?
I hope that someday, i'll be able to find someone who can live with my weirdness and accept it for what it is... Just weirdness they might never be able to understand... Until then...
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Bee