BROKEN 2

Today i went to keep a date with The Brit. We were supposed to meet yesterday but he got stuck in Paris because of bad weather and he asked me to meet him today. We met at the place were i fell head over heels in love with him 10years ago. Walked in and the place still had the same smell it had all those years ago... A smell i remembered... HIM...
As i write this, i'm still grinning from ear to ear and hoping i would stop but i can't help it. I am a well loved woman... At least, that is my present situation.
Before i left to see him, i had this well rehearsed attitude... You know, all grown up, unaffected, could care less but all of that flew out my head the moment i laid eyes on him. I just couldn't help myself. Prior to this day, i hadn't seen him in more than a year and in that time, i dated an asshole who i almost gave my whole life up for before i found out he was living with a woman but that is a story for another time. Right now, i'm still riding on the highs of being with my first and only ever true love. Today, i told him he's ruined me for other men because he raised the bar so high that it's hard for other men to reach for it... I find myself comparing everyone i meet to him even when i try not to... The way he looks at me like i'm the only one in the universe... The way he makes love to me like nothing else mattered... The way he smiles with only his eyes without his mouth moving... Oh, how i fell... Totally and completely... When i saw him today, all of those feelings came rushing back and i knew i still wasn't over him but i couldn't bring myself to tell him that... Why? He belongs to another and i can't have him...
We sat down with a bottle of sparkling wine and had very non-sexual conversations... The idiot that tried and failed to blow up a plane in the US and how sad it was that the US decided to punish a country for the sins of one person, his trip, the weather in the UK and the rest of Europe till we ran out of steam. At some point while looking for another topic to discuss, i jumped him... He jumped me back and within seconds, i came... I was totally embarrased... That had never happened to me EVER... It normally takes a while to get me to orgasm but there i was squirming & screaming with tears in my eyes that i refused to let fall. I'm usually in control of me but when it comes to him, i let down my guard completely because i loved him... Still do... I really wish there was a way i could make myself stop loving him...
Afterwards, i asked him a question one isn't supposed to ask... I asked him if he ever loved me... He tried very hard to avoid the question but i kept pushing for more than 30mins and he finally answered... YES, he said and he's sure i know that... I didnt want to push it by asking if he still does because that would help me none so, i let it go... When it was time to leave, i didn't want to leave. Apparently, neither did he because we weren't sure of the next time we'd see each other. I went to my car to get him a pen cause he wanted one and when i came back, he grabbed me, threw me on the bed and had his way with me, which i quite liked. When i was leaving, he gave me a gift. It was a really big present so, i screamed his name and said ''you don't have to try to make up for not being able to give me what i want, i'll take what i can get and try not to complain''... He said it was a riddle but i'm sure he understood but just didn't want to agree... I'm sure he knows that what i really want is him... It's all good though, i'll take what i can get till i find a man i dont have to share... If i can love him even a quarter of how much i love The Brit, i'll be grateful. Until then....
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Bee