BROKEN

Very late last night i got a text from Dave asking where i was. Replied that i was home, bored and he asked if i could come over to his... I was pleasantly surprised and of course i jumped in my car and went to see him. Now, Dave is a guy i met earlier this year and dated for a month. I actually thought everything was going well until the day he lied to me that he was home, tired but then i saw him with a girl at Towers karaoke where i had gone to buy cigarettes. He explained it away and seeing as we'd only been seeing each other for 3weeks at the time, i let it go. On my birthday 2weeks later, he sent me a text to say he was too busy to have a serious relationship with anyone and no, the problem wasn't me because he liked me a lot but he had a lot on his plate with his new job. I said okay and let it go. Though i got really drunk one night and sent him a series of not so nice text messages which he replied to, we became friends who talk but never saw.
So, there i was at his apartment sitting with him at the bar having drinks and talking about what really happened with us when he kissed me. Hell, i kissed him back and we decided to move things forward. It was 2:30am when we walked into his room and i got a huge SURPRISE. He had a woman living with him... No, HE HAD A WOMAN LIVING WITH HIM. This guy who told me 6months ago that he didnt want a relationship, he's been married twice before and he no longer wants to be tied down had a woman living with him. I couldn't handle it, it was too much for me so, i broke down, started crying and made a complete spectacle of myself. I was totally mortified but i couldn't stop crying. It was humiliating... My head was spinning, i had to get out of there but it was late, my car was bad and i had little cash on me. I really couldnt risk it so, i stayed and had sex with him because he was great in the sack. I took and gave and took and took till i could take no longer. That was how i broke the almost 3month celibacy. I figured i may never see him again so, i decided to just go for it and have done with...
Later i started playing my life in my head... My single life... Seems like it always followed a pattern. The guys i really like are emotionally unavailable and the ones who want to give me everything they think i want, i do not particularly want to be with. It's a crazy existence...
I'm thinking maybe i have a problem... Like there's something wrong with me that make men look at me and see sex instead of girlfriend. I tried asking a few of my exes but none of them would really give me an answer. It's frustrating... Am i so bad that no man wants to be seen around with me? Is it possible that i may never find a lasting relationship? Are the men i date just going to keep moving on to marry or share a house with the next girl they date after me?
I guess i won't find the answer today but while thinking about it, i got a text from the one man i've ever truly really loved. I'd sent him a text a few days ago to wish him the best this season and i never expected a reponse really but he replied this evening: Thanks, wish you a healthy happy 2010. Take care, hopefully see you in Lag/Abj....
What does this mean? Now, my train of thoughts have changed... Not good, not good at all...
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Bee