Very late last night i got a text from Dave asking where i was. Replied that i was home, bored and he asked if i could come over to his... I was pleasantly surprised and of course i jumped in my car and went to see him. Now, Dave is a guy i met earlier this year and dated for a month. I actually thought everything was going well until the day he lied to me that he was home, tired but then i saw him with a girl at Towers karaoke where i had gone to buy cigarettes. He explained it away and seeing as we'd only been seeing each other for 3weeks at the time, i let it go. On my birthday 2weeks later, he sent me a text to say he was too busy to have a serious relationship with anyone and no, the problem wasn't me because he liked me a lot but he had a lot on his plate with his new job. I said okay and let it go. Though i got really drunk one night and sent him a series of not so nice text messages which he replied to, we became friends who talk but never saw.
So, there i was at his apartment sitting with him at the bar having drinks and talking about what really happened with us when he kissed me. Hell, i kissed him back and we decided to move things forward. It was 2:30am when we walked into his room and i got a huge SURPRISE. He had a woman living with him... No, HE HAD A WOMAN LIVING WITH HIM. This guy who told me 6months ago that he didnt want a relationship, he's been married twice before and he no longer wants to be tied down had a woman living with him. I couldn't handle it, it was too much for me so, i broke down, started crying and made a complete spectacle of myself. I was totally mortified but i couldn't stop crying. It was humiliating... My head was spinning, i had to get out of there but it was late, my car was bad and i had little cash on me. I really couldnt risk it so, i stayed and had sex with him because he was great in the sack. I took and gave and took and took till i could take no longer. That was how i broke the almost 3month celibacy. I figured i may never see him again so, i decided to just go for it and have done with...
Later i started playing my life in my head... My single life... Seems like it always followed a pattern. The guys i really like are emotionally unavailable and the ones who want to give me everything they think i want, i do not particularly want to be with. It's a crazy existence...
I'm thinking maybe i have a problem... Like there's something wrong with me that make men look at me and see sex instead of girlfriend. I tried asking a few of my exes but none of them would really give me an answer. It's frustrating... Am i so bad that no man wants to be seen around with me? Is it possible that i may never find a lasting relationship? Are the men i date just going to keep moving on to marry or share a house with the next girl they date after me?
I guess i won't find the answer today but while thinking about it, i got a text from the one man i've ever truly really loved. I'd sent him a text a few days ago to wish him the best this season and i never expected a reponse really but he replied this evening: Thanks, wish you a healthy happy 2010. Take care, hopefully see you in Lag/Abj....
What does this mean? Now, my train of thoughts have changed... Not good, not good at all...
XXXX
Bee
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
NOT AGAIN!!!
I think when you've been single for a long time it warps your mind in some twisted way... If not, how do i explain my annoyance at everything a man does when i'm out on a date with him? Or maybe i expect too much from people and when they fall short i find it hard to move forward... The date was a complete disaster and ended with me walking away without making plans for the next date... Imagine that he started talking about going to see my father to talk about marrying me??? I have a feelin that when a woman gets to a certain age, men tend to think that the only way to get into her pants is by talking marriage... Unfortunately for the guys who try that line with me, they get crossed off potential boyfriend list faster than they can say ''hello''... I'm usually quiet (that is unless i've had a bit of alcohol to loosen my tongue) but i guess it makes guys think they have to try harder to impress me or perhaps it's the cynical look i always have on my face. Then again, it could be the way i carry myself regally that makes them think they have to try extra hard to impress me. Sometimes i feel sorry for them because i'm not easily impressed. It takes a hell of a lot before i'd clap after a performance. You've got to be really good.
Now, the date... When he managed to get here after getting lost, (btw i had to go pick him up after he got lost the 2nd time) he came straight to me with arms open wide for a hug and proceeded to kiss me on the cheek. I asked him not to do that cos i was sweating but he went ahead anyway and told me i tasted like gummy bears. My answer to that? Ewwww
Got to chicken republic (didnt want to go far as i had a guest coming from home) and he wouldn't stop talking... Didnt even realised he had a flat tyre till i pointed him out to him... Turned out the guy had never changed a tyre which i found disturbing cos i have changed mine a couple of times... Then he offered me a picture of him... What? On the first date? Besides, i still have a few pictures of him from before and i didnt want new ones thanks a lot... It was frustrating trying to talk to him... He kept interrupting me so, i just shut the hell up and watched him talk while i pretended to listen. I probably heard the third and last word of every sentence but i'm not sure. Got tired of pretending to listen to him talk about himself and how he's the best guy for me but i don't know it yet. Man, it was tiring...
He dropped me off and told me he was going to come pick me up tomorrow to take me to his place. I said no cos i had plans to go to church. Then he asked about friday. I then told him i'd try to see what happens next week. That was when the drama began. What do i expect him to do with himself till next week? Why am i trying to push him away? He thought we were back together? I just sat there and calmly looked at him with an amused smile on my face until he finished. Came down from his car, closed the door and went inside. Got a text message after 20mins that read: i want you to love me like i never left benny. Home for me is with u....
My reply? You never left. I sent you away.
XXXX
Bee
Now, the date... When he managed to get here after getting lost, (btw i had to go pick him up after he got lost the 2nd time) he came straight to me with arms open wide for a hug and proceeded to kiss me on the cheek. I asked him not to do that cos i was sweating but he went ahead anyway and told me i tasted like gummy bears. My answer to that? Ewwww
Got to chicken republic (didnt want to go far as i had a guest coming from home) and he wouldn't stop talking... Didnt even realised he had a flat tyre till i pointed him out to him... Turned out the guy had never changed a tyre which i found disturbing cos i have changed mine a couple of times... Then he offered me a picture of him... What? On the first date? Besides, i still have a few pictures of him from before and i didnt want new ones thanks a lot... It was frustrating trying to talk to him... He kept interrupting me so, i just shut the hell up and watched him talk while i pretended to listen. I probably heard the third and last word of every sentence but i'm not sure. Got tired of pretending to listen to him talk about himself and how he's the best guy for me but i don't know it yet. Man, it was tiring...
He dropped me off and told me he was going to come pick me up tomorrow to take me to his place. I said no cos i had plans to go to church. Then he asked about friday. I then told him i'd try to see what happens next week. That was when the drama began. What do i expect him to do with himself till next week? Why am i trying to push him away? He thought we were back together? I just sat there and calmly looked at him with an amused smile on my face until he finished. Came down from his car, closed the door and went inside. Got a text message after 20mins that read: i want you to love me like i never left benny. Home for me is with u....
My reply? You never left. I sent you away.
XXXX
Bee
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
RELATIONSHIP RULES 1
Button wants to get back together... I find it really funny because i dated him for a year & 3months in 2000-2001. The relationship was not good... Full of drama and cheating... Now, one thing i hate is drama... i am drama free so, you can understand why i hate it. I don't want anyone i'm dating going crazy on me because i won't go crazy on anybody. There has to be some kind of privacy that comes from trust. Knowing that i won't hide anything from you just as i don't expect you to hide anything from me... That way, no-one feels the need to pry.
Now, i met Button 4months into dating the guy i'll call ''the millionaire''... I told him i was seeing someone but i really liked him and he said he wasn't seeing anyone. i was completely honest with him... With that and everything else but he wasn't the same way with me at all... He lied and lied and lied and lied to the point were he started forgetting some of the things he's said before. It was frustrating and i hated feeling like i was a fool that was being used so, i ended things...
Now, more than 8years later, he's begging for a second chance and he picked the right time... A time when i'm totally single and celibate. Trust me, this celibacy thing is trying... I don't know how people do it but it's almost 3months and i'm going crazy. Though i'm not desperate to jump into bed with anyone, it'll be nice to cuddle, you know...
He called a few times today and after the 3rd time, i gave him rules... 1st time we dated, we did it his way but now, it has to be on my terms. He broke my heart the first time and i'll be damned if i'm going to let it happen again... Now the rules:
We have to go on a minimum of 3dates before he can expect even a kiss.
I'm not to be pushed.
I need to be given time to get to know him all over again.
I will not pay for anythig as i did all the paying the last time.
I can call things off if i'm not happy with the way they are.
He was quick to say yes to my terms as he probably thinks i'm not serious but he'll be surprised cos my mind's made... I dont want him to walk all over me again... It hurt... I'd rather be single than heartbroken. God knows i can't handle any more of those...
This dating business is crazy i swear but not dating is worse. So, we have a lunch date for tomorrow (dinner would be stretching it) and i'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'll make sure i order only what i can afford just in case... You never know...Let's see how it goes...
For now, i'm just going to sit back, relax and try to come up with a plan on how to do the myriad things i have lined up for next week... Until tomorrow...
XXXX
Bee
Now, i met Button 4months into dating the guy i'll call ''the millionaire''... I told him i was seeing someone but i really liked him and he said he wasn't seeing anyone. i was completely honest with him... With that and everything else but he wasn't the same way with me at all... He lied and lied and lied and lied to the point were he started forgetting some of the things he's said before. It was frustrating and i hated feeling like i was a fool that was being used so, i ended things...
Now, more than 8years later, he's begging for a second chance and he picked the right time... A time when i'm totally single and celibate. Trust me, this celibacy thing is trying... I don't know how people do it but it's almost 3months and i'm going crazy. Though i'm not desperate to jump into bed with anyone, it'll be nice to cuddle, you know...
He called a few times today and after the 3rd time, i gave him rules... 1st time we dated, we did it his way but now, it has to be on my terms. He broke my heart the first time and i'll be damned if i'm going to let it happen again... Now the rules:
We have to go on a minimum of 3dates before he can expect even a kiss.
I'm not to be pushed.
I need to be given time to get to know him all over again.
I will not pay for anythig as i did all the paying the last time.
I can call things off if i'm not happy with the way they are.
He was quick to say yes to my terms as he probably thinks i'm not serious but he'll be surprised cos my mind's made... I dont want him to walk all over me again... It hurt... I'd rather be single than heartbroken. God knows i can't handle any more of those...
This dating business is crazy i swear but not dating is worse. So, we have a lunch date for tomorrow (dinner would be stretching it) and i'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'll make sure i order only what i can afford just in case... You never know...Let's see how it goes...
For now, i'm just going to sit back, relax and try to come up with a plan on how to do the myriad things i have lined up for next week... Until tomorrow...
XXXX
Bee
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I'M NOT FEELING THIS
The ball wasn't it for me at all... Felt like i was at a wedding reception and for those who know me, you all know i do not like weddings... I hate that people have to call the whole town to show how they feel about each other and say vows they'll ignore later that day. I find the whole thing a show off... I don't think i'll ever call a bunch of people just to let the man i love know i love him... If you feel it, you feel it... You don't need anyone's confirmation.
But that is my opinion. Other people may not agree with me............
Spent some more time obsessing over the dress this morning before i went to church and again when i came back the afternoon but there was really nothing i could do about it. Tried a skinny belt over it, it didn't work. Tied a scarf around my midsection like a bustier, it still didn't work. When i showed to my sister's boyfriend, he almost fell on the floor laughing and said it looked like a very long ''shimmy''... You know, the slip that Nigerian women wear under their wrapper. It was sad... just sad...
Decided to go with black harem pants, a white tank top and a black jacket that looks like a pea coat then accessorized with multiple long necklaces, a brown purse and dominatrix sandals. I looked like a rebel... A really hot rebel... You know, the kind you want to slam against the wall and do things to... wink wink...
There were guys at the ball alright but mostly old men, married men, attached men and very young boys... Didn't see anyone who looked like a guy i'd want to be caught dead in the sack with. Sat there alone for over an hour(Kemi fell last night and hurt her toe so, she couldn't make it) before i decided to ask Joe to meet me... Joe is the 22year old brother of a former best friend's new bestfriend... He likes me, i like him... As friends... We spent the whole time laughing at jokes the MC who's a comedian was making throughout the show and i wasn't so bored anymore... He made the event a little more interesting for me and i was grateful i called him otherwise i would've developed a serious case of BFM(bored out of my fucking mind)... That was good quick thinking. Joy who's one of the organisers of the event wanted me to go with her and a few of her friends to a new club that just opened in Osapa but i'd just had enough of that crowd and i craved the quietness of my own house so, i left... Joe followed me home to keep me company but ended up telling me he wanted to date me... OOPS
XXXX
Bee
But that is my opinion. Other people may not agree with me............
Spent some more time obsessing over the dress this morning before i went to church and again when i came back the afternoon but there was really nothing i could do about it. Tried a skinny belt over it, it didn't work. Tied a scarf around my midsection like a bustier, it still didn't work. When i showed to my sister's boyfriend, he almost fell on the floor laughing and said it looked like a very long ''shimmy''... You know, the slip that Nigerian women wear under their wrapper. It was sad... just sad...
Decided to go with black harem pants, a white tank top and a black jacket that looks like a pea coat then accessorized with multiple long necklaces, a brown purse and dominatrix sandals. I looked like a rebel... A really hot rebel... You know, the kind you want to slam against the wall and do things to... wink wink...
There were guys at the ball alright but mostly old men, married men, attached men and very young boys... Didn't see anyone who looked like a guy i'd want to be caught dead in the sack with. Sat there alone for over an hour(Kemi fell last night and hurt her toe so, she couldn't make it) before i decided to ask Joe to meet me... Joe is the 22year old brother of a former best friend's new bestfriend... He likes me, i like him... As friends... We spent the whole time laughing at jokes the MC who's a comedian was making throughout the show and i wasn't so bored anymore... He made the event a little more interesting for me and i was grateful i called him otherwise i would've developed a serious case of BFM(bored out of my fucking mind)... That was good quick thinking. Joy who's one of the organisers of the event wanted me to go with her and a few of her friends to a new club that just opened in Osapa but i'd just had enough of that crowd and i craved the quietness of my own house so, i left... Joe followed me home to keep me company but ended up telling me he wanted to date me... OOPS
XXXX
Bee
Saturday, December 26, 2009
WHAT THE HELL????????????
Stayed at my table all day making jewellery so i could have choices for the ball tomorrow... Was very happy with the stuff i did and i had plans to milk the cameras tomorrow but now it's gone all wrong..... She messed up the dress... SHE MESSED UP MY DRESS!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm not sure what to do. She delivered it late when i had gone off to see my friend and her husband at Soul Lounge so, i didn't get to see the dress until past ten tonight. It was completely hideous... Gosh... What to do? what to do? what to do? what to do?
Maybe i'll try styling it with a skinny belt. Put my fashion styling knowledge to work, you know... It just might work... I hope it works... It has to work... Now, i have to stop obsessing...
Florence has a great marriage. She's been married for over six years and they look like they just got married last week. I guess that's because she married her soulmate and best friend... It'll be nice to meet my soulmate... soon. I don't want to be fourty and alone. The thought of that is very disturbing... Unfortunately, there are few good men in Lagos. Mostly you find assholes walking around pretending to be nice and i don't want to be caught up in any nonsense. I like a man who has something to say. I can't stand dull men... You know, the kind that say something really stupid and expect you to agree with him and get angry if you do not nod your head/smile stupidly/laugh raucously at any crap that comes out of their mouth. I like a man who challenges me intellectually...
Now, off to the ball i go tomorrow hoping to be Cinderella who meets her prince and lives happily ever after, you know... These things do happen and i'd like it to happen for me. Being single sucks... Especially for someone who loves sex as much as i do... Here's wishing me luck tomorrow.....
XXXX
Bee
I'm not sure what to do. She delivered it late when i had gone off to see my friend and her husband at Soul Lounge so, i didn't get to see the dress until past ten tonight. It was completely hideous... Gosh... What to do? what to do? what to do? what to do?
Maybe i'll try styling it with a skinny belt. Put my fashion styling knowledge to work, you know... It just might work... I hope it works... It has to work... Now, i have to stop obsessing...
Florence has a great marriage. She's been married for over six years and they look like they just got married last week. I guess that's because she married her soulmate and best friend... It'll be nice to meet my soulmate... soon. I don't want to be fourty and alone. The thought of that is very disturbing... Unfortunately, there are few good men in Lagos. Mostly you find assholes walking around pretending to be nice and i don't want to be caught up in any nonsense. I like a man who has something to say. I can't stand dull men... You know, the kind that say something really stupid and expect you to agree with him and get angry if you do not nod your head/smile stupidly/laugh raucously at any crap that comes out of their mouth. I like a man who challenges me intellectually...
Now, off to the ball i go tomorrow hoping to be Cinderella who meets her prince and lives happily ever after, you know... These things do happen and i'd like it to happen for me. Being single sucks... Especially for someone who loves sex as much as i do... Here's wishing me luck tomorrow.....
XXXX
Bee
Friday, December 25, 2009
Alone at Christmas
Not really sure what to write even though i usually have a lot trapped in my head... I'll just go with the flow...
I am a single almost 30 woman living in Lagos, Nigeria and a bead jewellery designer. I design and make the jewellery myself... By hand... I love what i do but do not make much from it but who cares??? I make the jewellery anyway... I've been described as a snob, not very friendly and to put it lightly, was told i have a poker up my ass by my stiff British ex...
This may sound like a personal diary and it doesn't bother me cos i'm not sure anyone is going to read it anyway but if you do find yourself reading it, thank you...
Christmas is usually an excuse to spend time with the family, right? Woke up late and couldn't make it to church (which i wasn't happy about) so, i cooked... a lot of food... No=one visited and i couldn't really eat much myself.
I'm sitting here downloading HOUSE and GOSSIP GIRL from itunes but it's taking so long and i pretty much have nothing to do except look forward to the Christmas ball on sunday. All my siblings decided to do stuff that didn't involve me today and seeing as i am single, i have no one to do stuff with. The only friend i have lives in India and i didn't want to spend Christmas with her. Wish i had... Because then, there'll be someone to do stuff with like... get drunk.
Now, even though i'm against working on Christmas day, i found myself making a necklace for my sister's friend Kemi who's accompanying me to the ball... Made the first bead ball but the yarn broke while i was trying to knot it at the end. Managed to make the second one without any mishap... Boredom certainly makes people do things they won't ordinarily do. That is why the so-called stiff me is writing a blog. OH... MY... GOSH... This will be interesting...
Welcome to my life... As it is...
XXXX
Bee
I am a single almost 30 woman living in Lagos, Nigeria and a bead jewellery designer. I design and make the jewellery myself... By hand... I love what i do but do not make much from it but who cares??? I make the jewellery anyway... I've been described as a snob, not very friendly and to put it lightly, was told i have a poker up my ass by my stiff British ex...
This may sound like a personal diary and it doesn't bother me cos i'm not sure anyone is going to read it anyway but if you do find yourself reading it, thank you...
Christmas is usually an excuse to spend time with the family, right? Woke up late and couldn't make it to church (which i wasn't happy about) so, i cooked... a lot of food... No=one visited and i couldn't really eat much myself.
I'm sitting here downloading HOUSE and GOSSIP GIRL from itunes but it's taking so long and i pretty much have nothing to do except look forward to the Christmas ball on sunday. All my siblings decided to do stuff that didn't involve me today and seeing as i am single, i have no one to do stuff with. The only friend i have lives in India and i didn't want to spend Christmas with her. Wish i had... Because then, there'll be someone to do stuff with like... get drunk.
Now, even though i'm against working on Christmas day, i found myself making a necklace for my sister's friend Kemi who's accompanying me to the ball... Made the first bead ball but the yarn broke while i was trying to knot it at the end. Managed to make the second one without any mishap... Boredom certainly makes people do things they won't ordinarily do. That is why the so-called stiff me is writing a blog. OH... MY... GOSH... This will be interesting...
Welcome to my life... As it is...
XXXX
Bee
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