FEAR.....

My brother just broke up with his girfriend whom he's been dating for over a year. She's crushed, he's tired... Told myself i wasn't going to get involved but i found myself talking to my brother after her 100th phone call to me imploring me to talk to my brother on her behalf that she still loves him... When i tried to get my brother to make up with her, he told me his mind is made and he didn't want to date her anymore... Why?
Apparently, while they were dating she had a habit of accusing him of one phantom thing or other... Sometimes, she say she was told he was out with another woman or she tells him she had a dream that he left her for someone else then proceed to fight him like it was something that happened for real... Her mood swings were something he had to learn to deal with... I didn't get it at all everytime she tried to tell me she thinks he was dating someone else... Now, my brother was the kind of man who loved women and women loved him... He used to have several girlfriends at a time... That was, before he met this girl... They lived together and were always in each other's company except when he was at work or the few times he manages to come to my house... Tried telling her that he wasn't cheating on her but she wouldn't let me so, i let her be...
While talking to my brother about her recent behaviour, i realized one thing... She was afraid... The fear of losing him was so much that she became neurotic and eventually pushed him away...
Thinking about it, i realised that she wasn't the only one with this fear... A lot of people has this problem... I also have this problem...
It's probably something that comes hand in hand with love... There's always this deep down dread that you'lll lose the one(s) you love... It's that fear that sometimes make us protective or over-protective as the case may be... I somehow find myself calling all my siblings everytime i see or hear of an accident... Ok, maybe i don't really say anything that makes any sense when i call but the moment i hear their voices and they sound okay, i relax but before that time, i'm usually afraid...
Just yesterday, i exhibited the same trait with Chocolate... It may or may not have been called for but later when i took out time to think about it, i realized that it was fear of losing him that pushed me into doing what i did... Here's what happened...
He's out of the country for work and somehow landed in a castle somewhere in the dead end of the UK for a retreat...HE didn't have time to buy a sim before he headed out, BB messenger was acting up and the only number i had was that of the castle... So, i called and asked to be transfered to his extension but i was told it was busy... At midnight!!! Tried again after 30mins and it was still the same story... I started to freak out when i tried in the morning and was told the same thing... Maybe he was with someone... Maybe he'd decided he was tired of talking to me and i was a pain in the ass... I don't know why i started thinking like that but i found myself thinking it anyway...
When i finally got hold of him on BBM, we somehow had a fight over it because i was being (according to him) obstinate... I think he got more than a little pissed off about my reaction and he didn't like the way i was making him feel like he was guilty of something... Somehow, he mentioned that i have a strange way of showing him i loved him... Something about maybe i loved him too much and that got me talking... Now, anyone who knows me can attest to the fact that i get out of control when i talk... Just give me a reason to talk and i'll go on and on till i land myself in hot water... At the end, i told him i needed time away from him to sort out my feelings to which he asked what he was supposed to do while i thought... I told him he could do what he wanted... 10mins later, i realised i'd just made a huge mistake but by this time, he no longer wanted to speak to me... I couldn't sleep... There's a lot one can think about while tossing and turning on the bed... I realized that in my fear, i'm pushing my happiness away... Sent my friend G a message to say i've put my foot in it and maybe i had an evil spirit that makes me like being unhappy because this won't be the first time i was doing something as stupid as this... I needed prayers and fast!!! She said she'd talk to my man...
This morning, we made up after i'd sent about a million messages to apologize... I'm glad he cares enough not to walk away...
Fear always has a way of destroying lives and it's about time i dealt with it so it doesn't destroy mine... Although i'll say this... Fear or no, i want to have everyone i love around me always...
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Bee